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Dead Milkmen
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Cousin Earl
Lyricist:Anthony Joseph Genaro, Rodney Linderman, Dean Sabatino, David Schulthise
Now you wanna talk about bladder problems Then the man you wanna talk to will probably be my cousin Earl
I guess you all know Earl He lives out on Route 13 out on that maggot farm Earl don't like it when you get his maggot farm Confused with a worm farm A worm farm is for worms and a maggot farm is for maggots
And Earl's got the biggest maggots in the state, three feet long Of course, now Earl believes this might be due to the fact that St. Smithen's Medical Facility Has been dumping their waste on his property
Interesting thing about three-foot maggots is that That, well, one day the china disappeared And then the next day his television disappeared And then a few days after that his '57 Chevy disappeared But there they are the world's biggest maggots
Anyway one day Earl and I were standin' in the kitchen Giant maggots crawlin' across the floor And Earl turns to me and he says
'Do you ever go to make a pork sausage And find that it's got hairs all over it?' And he gives me a look that still chills me to this day
Now Earl's got a son and they call him Earl Junior Which I think is pretty clever since he is Earl's son He's not really a normal boy Ever since that tractor accident
Anyway, he ran up $5,000 worth of 976 phone bills He called weird, unnatural numbers like 976-PIGG with two G's And 976-SHEEP, which has five letters in it I know he's a sick boy
Earl suggested that well, maybe I talk to him So I went into his bedroom and I sat him down But before I could say a word Earl Junior looked at me and he said
'Didja ever go to make a pork sausage And find it's got hairs all over it?' And he gave me a look that still chills me to this day
Now, Earl's got a daughter and they call her Effie-Sue And Effie-Sue, she don't look so much like a little girl As she looks like a, a big pile of fungus Earl blames this too on the fact that St. Smithen's Medical Facility has been dumpin' on his maggot farm
And I never had much contact with Essie, Effie-Sue Excuse me, I don't even think that much of her to get her name right I never had much contact with her She just normally just sits on the couch Like a little ball of fungus and just boils away
Well, one day, she looked at me And that little ball of fungus opened its mouth (Or what I guess was its mouth I'd hate to think what else it could be) And out of that orifice floated the words
'Didja ever go to make a, a pork sausage And find it's got hair all over it?' And then that, that little pile of fungus Gave me a look that chills me to this day
Now Earl's got a wife and we call her wife, we don't know her name Because she's never really said that much Find more lyrics at ※ Mojim.com For the longest time we thought she could only say two words Which were 'Dog' and 'Pussy', we thought that meant 'Dog' and 'Cat'
But then we found out that What she was really trying to say was 'Dog-pussy' One big hyphenated word which doesn't come up much in conversation Especially amongst Baptists We never heard her say anything other than that
You know she works down at Down at St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Sausage Distillery Got a good paying job there although she only does say those Well that one word
And we have heard her say another thing once But that was a long time ago we were sittin' around the house And she looked at me and she said
'Do you ever go to make a pork sausage And find that it's got hairs growin' all over it?' And she gave me a look that chills me to this day
Now one day Earl took his whole family fishin' down in Miller's Creek He took his wife who could only say, 'Dog-pussy' He took his son Earl Junior who took the day off from calling 976 - barnyard numbers And he took that little that little ball of fungus daughter Effie-Sue of his along with him
They all got in a little boat and they started fishing Now St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Sausage Distillery Has been known to dump their stuff into Miller's Creek All sorts of heinous stuff, big barrels floatin' in the creek With little things on them that say 'St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Sausage Distillery'
Anyway Earl was fishing And he caught a wall-eyed bass which had twenty-seven eyes on it It was a twenty-seven-eyed wall-eyed bass Earl looked at it, and decided, 'Umm, wouldn't this be good to eat'
So he took out his knife to cut it open But that fish looked up at him and it said 'Please, mister please don't eat me' And Earl said, 'But I'm hungry I'm hungry'
'I work on a maggot farm My wife can only say 'Dog-pussy' My daughter is a pile of fungus My son spent all of his college money calling '976-' numbers I have to eat you'
And that fish said, 'Please, don't eat me, mister, please' And he said, 'I have to I have to' So the fish said, 'Alright then, if you're gonna cut me open Let me ask you one question'
Didja ever go to eat a pork sausage And find it's got hairs growin' all over it?'
And then all twenty-seven eyes stared back at Earl And they stared back at his wife who could only say, 'Dog-pussy' And they stared back at his weird 976 - animal-calling son And they stared back at that little pile of pus That passes for Earl's daughter
And they gave them a look All twenty-seven eyes gave them a look A look that they will not forget until this very day Oh, man
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